Going Against the Grain

Intentionally starving my children from technology. If I had a daughter, I'd make her wear actual clothing from the pioneer days of Laura Ingalls Wilder. Luckily for my children, they are both boys.

Why I Quit My Job to Stay at Home

I was one of the lucky ones.  I was able to find a daycare for my firstborn less than a mile away from where I worked, on base! The daycare was an in-home daycare (double score). The provider was a stay at home mom to 4 children and she was wonderful. She still is wonderful. Her and her husband were hashtag goals in real life.  Her husband was full-time military and she honed in on her God-given skills as a homemaker and a wife.  She homeschooled 2 of the 4 children she had, which was fascinating to witness first hand.

Anyways, my job was great.  I worked 40 hours a week, split up into four 10 hour days.  So I actually only worked 4 days a week, and 1 weekend a month.  Pretty much every weekend I had a 3 day weekend.  Why couldn’t that had just been enough? Not to mention the federal holidays I got off and all of the benefits of being active duty military.

I never took pleasure in leaving my son with another woman, I know most women don’t.  But I was adamant and relentless with my husband about expressing my disdain for it.  To the point of tiring him out with my opinion of not wanting to drop Liam off at daycare again.

“Can’t you just be thankful that you get all this time off with him?”
“You get more time off with him than I do.”
“Please stop telling me how much you hate dropping him off at daycare.”

So I shut up for a while and just dealt with it. After all, according to a quick Google search, in 2014, over 70% of mothers were working full-time. In 2017 that percentage has increased to 75%.  So as you can see, my mentality is rapidly joining the minority of women who are staying at home with their children.

After I became pregnant with our second child, we reflected a lot on the type of environment we wanted to raise our children in and we discussed the pros and cons of me staying at home with the children while they were little.  The pros outweighed the cons(duh). We made the decision to turn our lives upside down (actually it was right side up). I resigned from my job after a weekly “Are you SURE you want to do this?” from me to my husband and we planned on moving from Texas to South Dakota (where I’m from).  Without getting into too many details, we figured we would have a larger support system up in South Dakota within closer proximity.  Living in South Dakota verses living in a crime filled city of 1.4 million was also a no brainer. We were tired of the crime and both agreed that raising children in South Dakota with their mother at home during their first years would be better for the family as a whole.

Now, remember above when I was talking about how amazing my son’s daycare provider was? She really was, I was inspired by the role she played in her family and I saw how extremely well-mannered and responsible her children were, I knew that it didn’t happen by chance. They were the way they were because they had their mother instructing them, shaping them, securing them, comforting them and giving them a constant rock to hold onto every day, from birth, to now. I wanted that for our children.

I think that even the absolute BEST daycare provider in the world is still no match for what you as a mother mean to your children.  The constant goodbyes every day and then having to come home, make dinner, try to squeeze in some much wanted cuddle time was all subtly shaping my son into something.

Everything was always so rushed.

Waking up at 530 every morning

to rush to daycare,

to rush to work,

to rush back to daycare after work,

to rush home,

to rush through dinner,

to rush to bath-time

to get to bed at a decent hour because we need to wake up at 530 in the morning to do it all over again tomorrow.

I couldn’t do it anymore.  I felt like I was going against nature. I didn’t want to do it anymore. My second pregnancy really made my dig my heels into who I wanted to be as a mother and as a wife and my husband was on board. Well he said he was.

Inevitably, the decision played largely as a contributing factor in the breakdown of my marriage. There were many factors but when push came to shove, on his part, there was regret, anger, and disbelief that I would leave such a great job with great benefits.

“I never should have let you quit your job so soon.”

“It wasn’t the right time.”

I chose my children over my job and I have been scorned for it by more people than I imagined.

I am still holding strong to the decision that was made.  I thank God every day that I have the support system I have in order to allow me to stay at home with my boys and try to raise them right.

We cannot have it all. We can maybe have a little here and a lot there. Or a little here, a little there, a little over there and a little way over there.  I was tired of giving more to my job than to my husband and my children.

I think, the women that say that have it all, are lying to themselves.  There is something that is paying the price of you “having it all”. I refused to let my children pay that price any longer. I’m still questioned and criticized for “walking away from my career”.  It’s not something that I enjoy hearing but I think largely a lot of the criticism (that sadly all comes from other women) is due to regret or jealousy on their part. Jobs are jobs. They are not going anywhere.  I’ll get back to the rat race someday I’m sure.

My children will only be this little for such a small blip of time.

I refuse to miss any more of it.


1 comment found

  1. Rebecca, continue to do what is right, and not what social pressure tells you to do. In the end, you and your children will be so much better. Placing a career over motherhood only harms the next generation.
    Keep on keeping on. Life is never easy, but God blesses those who are faithful to Him.
    Love Dad

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